Now or never.


The end of 2015.


Ok so here is the compacted version – I had gone to see a specialist to try and do something about my crippling suspected Endometriosis (I’ve never had the operation to confirm it) and instead had pap smear results come back not looking great. So I had been booked in four days later for an emergency cone biopsy (a procedure where they remove a cone shape of your cervix to see exactly what your results are) During that procedure he had also inserted a Mirena, which is a form of contraception that is implanted into the uterus which was supposed to help with the crippling period pain I have been dealing with my entire life.


One week later I was back in the Dr’s room as I was the 1% of women whose body HATED the Mirena and my uterus was actually contracting to remove the foreign object. UGH it was horrible. That’s when the Dr told us that the results from my cone biopsy were a lot worse than we thought. They had not only found these cells named CIN but they had also found these cells called AIS that are pre -cancerous, extremely volatile and the only solution was to have a hysterectomy to prevent me from getting cervical cancer. HOLD UP. A hysterectomy is a procedure where they remove your entire uterus and cervix. That means no babies. Luckily our Doctor thought it was cruel to do such a procedure when I had no children. So we had six months to fall pregnant or we would need to come back and see him for some help. Yes we were on a clock. The freedom to start trying in our own time had gone and we realised the reality of now or never.


At the time we were currently in the process of trying to fulfil some life long dreams (or I was) of saving for America where I was going to invest in further film studies at a drama school, as well as aiming for a move to Melbourne on the return. But when I looked at my life without children I felt devastated, like my life would be incomplete. I had met the love of my life; we were in a loving, stable relationship. I wanted kids with him. He was the right person to have children with. We had already promised each other that this was forever, for us there was no other choice.


So we started trying to fall pregnant. But because of our time frame I was constantly living in this high stress, anxious state, FREAKING out that we would miss the boat. And of course constantly being told that stress will prevent me falling pregnant (grrrrrr) I bought ovulation kits (they tell you when you are most fertile) and mountains of pregnancy kits and I felt like I was forever peeing on sticks, and never getting it right. After two months I said ENOUGH lets just give it a break, not ‘try’ if you like.


Three weeks later we found out I was pregnant.

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